No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
love makes seman taste better
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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