Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
