ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
