we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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