We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize