I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
