I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
