That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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