hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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