I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
