Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
