i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
