That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think I have vodka in my lungs
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
