Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
