I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
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I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
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I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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