they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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