I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
