Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
