i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
