so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
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Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
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I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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