It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
