plz talk dirty to me
She said her name was "party"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
