who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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