last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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