Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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