So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
