Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
