So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
