i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
