This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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