hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
