Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
