yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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