I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
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Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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