I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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