You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
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Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
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Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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