uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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