So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm both gender and math confused
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
