I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
