Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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