Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
