I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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