We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
