I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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