awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
