I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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