4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Please don't give away my fajitas
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
