Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
