after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
