didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
