last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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