Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
