the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
