And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
