If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
