i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
