cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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