Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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