Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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