He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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