I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
